The first meeting is for you and your therapist to begin to get to know each other. However, we will also begin to work on your issues. This will involve defining what those issues are, and beginning to help you understand how the work will proceed. Your therapist will ask you whether you prefer to start by telling him/her why you're here, and what you would like to achieve through the therapy, or, if you prefer, your therapist will ask you questions to get things started. Your therapist’s goal, at all time, is to help you to remain curious about things in your life, rather than judgmental. Curiosity opens us to learning about ourselves and others, while judgment usually closes us off from ourselves and others.

How can therapy help me?

Good therapy, to put it simply, is "giving what is needed". The old saying “timing is everything” also applies to good therapy. Understanding when a client is ready to deal with a difficult issue is essential to a positive therapeutic outcome. As experienced therapists we have learned, through education, training, and experience, to help people in whatever way they need help. This includes helping re-define a problem in such a way that it becomes solvable, as well as stating it in a way that make sense to the client.

If you come into therapy knowing what it is you need, then great. For example, you may come in and say, "I can't stop obsessing about food," or "I can't decide whether to stay in this relationship." This is a defined problem, and a therapist can then help by showing you how to listen to that "small quiet voice within" to discover how to resolve that problem. Or, a client may come in and say "I don't know what's wrong, but my life just isn't working," or "I don't know how to put it into words, but everything seems meaningless." These are examples of "undefined" problems. Here, the therapist's job is to ask a series of questions (each question is based on the previous answer) in order to create a defined problem or problems that can then be resolved.

Once that is achieved, the therapist can help you by, once again leading you through a process of creative self-discovery designed specifically for you.

How can someone who doesn't know me understand what I am going through?

People who ask this question are really asking the question “Can a stranger really understand my feelings, life experiences, and what I am going through?” this brings up the issue of “empathy” which is defined as the ability to truly feel another person’s emotions.

The role of empathy in healing: There is a difference between sympathy and empathy. When someone is sympathetic, he or she can relate to someone else's feelings. If you are watching a movie, and you see a character going through a painful experience, such as the loss of a loved one, or a life threatening illness, and you personally have not experienced that same difficulty, you may feel sad for that person. You may wish that the person was not having to experience that problem. You may feel glad that it isn't you (and may or may not feel guilty for thinking that). This is sympathy. It helps human beings relate to each other, and helps us realize that we are not all that different from others. And it helps us feel lucky that we don't have the same problem, or unlucky if we have a worse problem. Empathy is slightly different. Using the above example, we would feel the other person's experience as if it were our own. Everyone is capable, to different degrees, of feeling both sympathy and empathy. Developing a high degree of empathy is essential for a therapist -- to understand with their heart, as well as the mind. The client is able to sense the therapist's empathetic connection (or lack of empathy). The connection that is made through true empathy is a very powerful source of emotional healing in therapy, and it is not something that can be substituted for by techniques, or intellectual understanding. An experienced psychotherapist who has developed an ability to empathize is able to move in and out of the experience of being the other person. This is essential for high quality communication, and understanding at the deeper levels of human relationships. The more this happens in therapy, the more the client feels and knows that he or she is understood, cared for, acknowledged, and appreciated for what has been his or her own unique life journey. This level of empathy is essential in the formation of trust, and is the foundation of emotional and spiritual healing in the psychotherapeutic relationship.

What is the difference between a Marriage and Family Therapist, a Psychologist, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, and a Psychiatrist?

All of the above are in the general class of professionals known as psychotherapists. (Psycho=The Mind and Therapist=Healing). Each class of therapist has a specific training program, and is licensed to treat individuals, couples, and families who struggle with life issues. A psychiatrist has additional training in medicine, and is licensed to prescribe medication, as well as do therapy. The license that the person is working under is, in general, less important than the specific training , experiences and personality of the practitioner with respect to being effective in helping people. .

What is clinical hypnosis? (Also See Clinical Hypnosis and Learning Self- Hypnosis)

Clinical hypnosis has become a well established part of current medical and psychological practice. In the past, hypnosis was seen as mystical or magical, but is now understood to be a part of everyday life. Everyone experiences hypnosis daily, usually several times or more. Think of how you feel when you are just falling asleep, or just waking up. The feeling is similar to a relaxed, comfortable warmth, where you are open to suggestion, by your own mind or by someone else talking to you. Hypnosis can allow us to reach back mentally and remember certain traumas that we may have forgotten, or to build images as a basis for behavior modification. Hypnosis is most effective when you and the therapist work together to create a plan by which you can liberate your mind from inertia, destructive thoughts, discouragements about living, and the belief that your experiences, and the way those experiences are interpreted, cannot be altered.

How long does it take, and how often do I do sessions?

Each situation is different, unless the therapist is using a "cookie cutter" approach, meaning that the client is not being treated as a unique individual. The answer to this question has to do with:

1. What kind of problem(s) you need help with?

2. How many problems you want help with?

3. The clarity (or lack of clarity) you have about what you are seeking.

4. How much time and energy you are willing and able to devote to resolving your problems?

5. Your own particular strengths and weaknesses which you bring to the healing process. Depending on the above factors, people choose to do sessions anywhere from a one time visit, to five visits a week. The "average" is once a week continuing until the client has met the goals set with the therapist. Goals can be specific behavioral goals, such as stopping smoking or drinking, or they can be process oriented goals, such as having more energy, trusting yourselves to make decisions that are right for you, or being less self-critical.

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