Dr.
Jaffe states: "Having worked in the field of addictions
for over twenty years, and, having struggled with my
own addictions and addictive behavior, I see the problem
from both a personal and professional stance. Addictions
are those behaviors which reflect a need by the person
to feel included, to be a part of something larger than
ourselves, approved of and, above all, loved. The problem
is that knowledge is usually hidden in our unconscious
mind, and as a result we focus only on the addiction
itself as the problem, instead of the root causes."
We don't usually know that we are being controlled by
unconscious feelings such as guilt, anger, sadness or
fear. Often, we do not know anything other than that
we feel a "craving" for the addictive substance or process.
Addictions can be anything we use to change our feeling
state on a regular basis. These can be food, drugs and
alcohol, sex, gambling, smoking, pornography, etc. An
addiction can also be working, or compulsive exercising.
In the case of working or exercising, one could ask
"Aren't these activities productive and even healthy?"
Yes, these activities are healthier than some others,
such as alcohol or drug abuse, and may not be life threatening
(at least not in the short run), but they are still
addictions, if they are done compulsively. They still
serve the purpose of helping us move away from our emotions
and our core sense of self. As such, they reveal an
underlying fear, or set of fears that keep us from feeling
a sense of completeness, and a feeling that we are connected
to others in a meaningful way. Instead, we carry around
inside of us feelings of unlovability, worthlessness,
self-hate, hate for others, guilt, shame, sadness and
fear or just plain numbness. The problem with a person
who is addicted is that these negative feeling states
may be so ingrained within, that he or she may not know
that a) they exist or b) that there is another way to
feel. Once we find a way to feel better even temporarily,
it seems to us that it is the best we can expect. Our
addictions may give us "instant gratification" from
uncomfortable or unbearable feeling states. However,
when the "high" wears off, the negative feeling returns
again and again with no apparent end in sight.
Healing
from addictions is a multi-faceted process. Again, the
road to healing is dependent on a number of factors,
and each person's healing process is similar, but different.
For many people, stopping the addiction "cold turkey"
by eliminating the behavior is the way to begin. This
is particularly true if the addiction is life threatening,
such as with drug addiction and alcoholism. Often, if
an addiction is out of control and self-destructive,
joining a twelve-step group, such as AA (alcoholics
anonymous) or NA (Narcotics anonymous) is the single
most important step a person can take. There are many
twelve-step groups, such as OA (Overeaters Anonymous)
and MA (Marijuana Anonymous) to serve specific populations
with specific addictions. These groups provide a support
network for stopping the behavior, and a therapeutic
strategy, through the working of the twelve steps, which
can be extremely beneficial. They also offer people
a sponsor to work with, who is akin to a mentor, to
help guide the person through the program.
Many
people, for a number of reasons, do not choose to use
twelve step programs to stop their addictions or choose
to use psychotherapy in addition to Twelve Step Recovery
work. One psychological perspective is that addiction
is a coping mechanism the person has discovered as a
way to soften the sometimes harsh realties of life.
Most people who struggle with addictions have difficulties
dealing with grief and loss. This can be for a number
of reasons, but many times it stems from physical, sexual,
or emotional abuse or neglect as a child. (See adults
with troubled childhoods). A child's ability to process
extreme negative feelings is very limited, and when
those limits are reached and surpassed, the child shuts
down emotionally. As a result, the emotional growth
and maturity of the child gets stunted (stopped), and
the child, as he or she gets older, does not know how
to cope with emotions effectively, even though physical
and intellectual growth proceeds at a normal pace. The
task for the therapist therefore becomes, to help the
person mature emotionally, which involves having them
understand their feelings and patterns of behavior.
With this knowledge, the addicted person gains choices
on how to deal effectively with the overwhelming feelings
of loss carried around since childhood. As the person
learns how to identify, connect with, tolerate, and
accept their emotions, the need for addiction(s) diminish,
and an appreciation for self and others begins to flourish.
